MamaZayha
 
 
Today’s Zayha’s one month birthday!
 
Parents have been telling me to treasure every moment while they’re this small, but when Zayha’s crying with gas half the time he’s awake I’ve found myself impatiently waiting for the newborn phase to pass.
 
So tiny, unable to focus his eyes or hold his head up. Can’t burp the alphabet yet, or stay peaceful for more than a couple hours. Wakes up if I put him down, so we have to wear him in a sling most of the day.
 
While I find these first months largely confronting, trying my patience, not getting anything done, and making me feel as helpless as he his, I know I’ll be trading these emotions in for a new set of dilemmas in just a few weeks.
 
Roz was just here with her 11-month-old son, who was three times bigger and only 300 days older...I realized that this is the only time with him like this that I'll ever have. And so I need to soak it all in, savor every waking moment not as a problem but as a gift.
 
At 3 am last night he was curled up in bed tummy-to-tummy with me, and I spent an hour just cherishing his tiny helplessness.  He was on his side, fussing just a little, feeding while asleep. Hugging him tight, knowing that our bed would belong to us before winter, was much more satisfying than being upset about the lost sleep.
 
 
The sweet face I look at all night long...
Friday, July 7, 2006
Blink and I’ll Miss It