Zayha’s due in 5 weeks, and I just had my first instance of choosing my child over what I want to be doing...and considering that Zayha's not even born yet, in this case I'm still second-guessing myself.
For the past two Sundays I was in the quarterly tournament for my poker league. The first Sunday I made it to 10th from a field of 44. The top 16 from my venue and another one played last Sunday. The winner would receive $1000 in gift certificates. $1000 at Babies 'r Us or CostCo would go a LONG way right now!
The problem was that my first Birthing from Within class started at 4pm that day. Since I'm giving birth without pain medication, I need every pain-management technique I could get!
The tourney started at 10am. I assumed I'd be knocked out by 3pm at the latest and that there'd be no conflict. So, I arrived early and ate breakfast. I started short-stacked (less chips than average), but was patient. I did one of my manifesting rituals and made a clear connection request to get good cards and play well.
I made it to the final table (8 people) with a mere 3600 chips, a teeny fraction of what everyone else had!
I continued to be patient, played hard and well. But then I started looking at my watch. 2:30...3:15...3:25...3:34...3:50... I started feeling conflicted. I was in freakin' 6th place and climbing! I called Jamie and he gave me complete permission to do my best and go as far as I could.
I felt like I could take it, but I'd been looking forward to this class for months and didn't want to miss a moment. By the time I made it to 4th place, I'd secured my seat at the annual tournament and a $10 gift certificate to pay for my food & drinks that day at the bar. If I only made it to 2nd or 3rd, I would have missed class AND not gotten the $1000.
Tortured, I was dealt an A-4. The flop came up 9-9-4. I could tell the other guy had a 9, and when he said "I'm going to put you all in" I went along with it instead of telling him, "Not this time, buddy." Unless I got running aces or quad 4s I was out...and sure enough, at 4:09 I was on my way to my birthing class.
I'm VERY proud of how I did at the tourney, 4th out of 90. But I'm not so proud that I spent 12 hours playing poker and broke the Fourth Agreement, "Always do your best." If I'd stayed, I really think I would have won or come in 2nd. And I could have scheduled a private session with the midwife and gotten the same techniques.
I've been upset with myself for a week, disappointed all the way around. It's rare to get a day getting cards as good as I was getting, which was why I got so far.
At the same time, Zayha is already the most important thing in my life and I know I did right by him. He's Aced my Heart.
I joined my poker league when I was 6 months pregnant.
Everyone joked that I was did so well because I was playing for two.
Won’t they be surprised when my brain comes back and I whoop ‘em!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Poker Baby